By Team 2: Angelyn, Darius, Dharshini, Syafiqah
At the age of two, James Michael Maniam was given away by his birth parents to the Chong family as a gift. Having been raised by two sets of parents, this is the story of the boy with two surnames.
Unlike most children in Singapore, James did not just grow up in a single house with a single-family. He would spend time with his parents, Michelle and James Chong Sr. in their house at Changi, and then play with his biological siblings at another house in Tampines. The latter house belongs to his birth parents, the Maniams, whom he still has a relationship with, even as he calls the Chongs “mum and dad”.
Born James Michael Maniam, he was the fourth child born to the Maniams in 1996. Meanwhile, the Maniams' best friends of over 40 years, the Chongs, were struggling to conceive. So when James was two, his biological parents made a huge gesture of allowing the Chongs to adopt him.
However, this didn’t come as a surprise to Mr James and Mrs Michelle Chong.
“We expected it. It's not like it was a surprise but we felt like it would have come to this event. It was a very special occasion, on her (Mrs Chong’) birthday. It fell on a July when we were having dinner with just the four of us. And they just dropped 'How would you feel adopting or taking over James?,” said Mr Chong. “I was like 'Wow, this is a gift and so, we said: 'Why not?”
In 2018, the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) reported 32 adoption applications, 15% more than 2017. This figure was highest in nearly a decade.
Now James Michael Chong Jr, the 23-year-old was well-adjusted with growing up in an environment with four parents. Instead of hiding the truth from James, the Chongs decided to make things very clear for him once he was able to understand.
“In my family, we do believe in a lot of transparency when we have any issues or anything else is on our minds we just share it with each other,” said James.
“You can say that my parents and my biological parents are very close - very, very good friends. And to take me in, it is an act of love and friendship,” he said. “So, I wouldn’t say that one side is my step-parents and the other are my biological parents. They’re both my parents and it’s equal.”
James was very well-received by his new relatives. But amidst the good spirits, a potential problem would arise in the form of James wanting to go back to his biological family.
“Because of his association, some might think that he might want to go back to his own home. Those are the challenges that we expect, however, we don't want it to be so soon,” explained Mr Chong. “Ultimately, it's down to him. Whether he feels like he wants a place with us or the other family. That's why we had this neutral thing where we never stop him from seeing his biological family.”
Recalling a memorable incident, Mr Chong explains the family’s parenting methods.
“I mean with him, he was never a problem. With children being children, a lot of surprises come with it. Sometimes, parents can get overprotective so every single move he does, we would be very cautious.”
“One time he was in a room when he was playing with his Star Wars lightsaber. I went to the kitchen I came back and I noticed that saber was detached and I said 'shit',” he said.
In the end, little James Junior ended up swallowing the light bulb, and Mr Chong had to turn him upside down to get it out. As rough as it sounds, it was an act of tough love.
“Okay, I mean I wasn't angry I washed his mouth and removed the broken glass and he said he was fine, no cuts or anything. And then that was the concern. Every second he's around with me, I have to monitor him like a fast-moving comet,” says Mr Chong.
In light of the adoption scene in Singapore, Mrs Chong expresses her openness on the subject.
“I would say they shouldn’t be afraid to adopt because if you think you really want a child. I think people hold back because they are scared that people might look at them in a different angle. “Oh, why are you childless” or “Oh, why are you adopting?” she says.
And in conclusion, Mrs Chong leaves a message of encouragement to future adopters.
“My advice to those who want to adopt a child is to actually explain to your child as soon as she/he understands why they are being adopted rather than to hide from them until they are adults to find out that they are an adopted child,” said Mrs Chong.
“That would make a lot of difference and the child will probably run away from them or stay away from them”
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