The Aftershow: Queer Teen, 19, Uses Dance Onstage To Enrich The Community Outside

Despite the struggles, Sharman uses his unapologetic spark to inspire others to shine.

By: Jasmine & Simran

Sharman Raj S/O Kumar, 19, aims to inspire others to embrace their true self

in face of opposition. (PHOTO: Sharman Raj S/O Kumar)

From locked rooms to stage shows, dancing has lent itself to many cultures as a form of celebration and self expression.

For Sharman Raj S/O Kumar, a 19 year old student from Republic Polytechnic (RP), this celebration goes beyond festivals.

Sharman identifies as gay, but struggled to pinpoint his sexuality in his younger years. Dance allowed him to accept his identity and honour it through this art form.

He started dancing in primary school, at first learning to move his body and just be an active kid for the fun of it. However, a fateful day in his Primary Four schooling year changed the trajectory of his life forever.

“I was asked to dance for one of our SYF Indian dance items… they were like ‘why not give it a try?’. I think that was a risk I was willing to take.”

This risk would be the first of many to come. But first, let’s go way back.

A young child’s age-old struggle

Living as a feminine boy was difficult for Sharman. An internal battle brewed within him from a young age, not knowing where he stood between who he was and what society wanted from him. The pressure for a child to like certain toys and sports to prove his masculinity left him very confused. Frustration built as he was forced to act like his boyish counterparts, but his femininity came naturally to him.

Sharman struggled to find his footing in school initially, but now he embraces his queer identity even against opposition. His image is one many queer Singaporeans share: an ordinary person with an extraordinary story. (PHOTO: Simran Kaur Sidhu)

Sharman’s rebellion led him to take dance more seriously. We’ve all heard the phrase “Passion doesn’t put food on the table.” His parents chided him for pursuing it, understandably worried that dance as a career would not pay well. In the face of opposition, Sharman pressed on. His mother was more supportive, having brothers from a dance background. She understood that nurturing this passion is important for some. His father needed more convincing.

“Eventually, my dad saw me dancing and thought ‘Okay, he has something there.’ Now, he’s not so against it.”

Though Sharman’s father still worries about his son’s future with dance, he sees the talent in him and tries to be supportive when he can. Sharman highlights a learning curve and touches on how time heals all, but before familial support came a community bursting with talent and confidence that shaped Sharman into who he is today.

A sense of belonging

“Why am I different from others?”

This question permeated through Sharman for most of his life. The confusion, doubt, and reflection stayed on his mind everyday. It was dance that cleared his worries. Meeting queer (LGBT identifying) members in his dance group opened him up to a new world of people. Suddenly, he was thrust into a world where embracing the unconventional was okay.

Meeting his new fellow dancers destigmatises the notion that dance is for the feminine. With this shame lifted, Sharman had a better grip of his identity. He came to understand that his passion for dance and his queerness were two separate things. They could merge or diverge and he would still be him.

Sharman felt a freeing release from the notion that society had put upon him. Seeing his peers, he understood: Gay, feminine, dancer - put these together and they form one label, separate them and the possibilities were endless.

Sharman learned that his complexities could co-exist. They make him interesting, merging his Indian and Queer identity to take his dance to a nuanced level. (PHOTO: Sharman Raj S/O Kumar)

When asked about how his peers react to his sexuality, Sharman gives us a cheeky smile and darting eyes. His nerves betray him.

“There are the stares and the pre-judgement. You can feel the resistance or people just not wanting to approach you.”

It’s clear from Sharman’s tone that this comes with the territory of living in a relatively conservative country. It’s expected, but the tide is shifting.

“My peers do know about my sexuality and they’re totally fine with it, they’re happy with it. I come from a diploma where it’s a bit more common to have friends and allies for my community.”

The diploma he mentions is Arts and Theatre Management in RP. The arts scene is more liberal, a common theme in spurring Sharman to feel more comfortable expressing his queerness through this safe space. However, there are other spaces where he has to tread carefully.

“There’s that sense of discomfort in them, a very tense environment. That build up can sometimes be very scary. I would not sustain in an environment thinking ‘What is everyone thinking of me?’”

Sharman shares with us the unease that follows when people stare and pass judgements on him. Then, he clicks into a trained survival mode: Analyse the danger and mitigate it.

“It feels like I’m going to freeze, like I’m going to explode… With my charisma and bubbly self, I like to make people around me be a bit more comfortable.”

Sharman uses his wit and humour to disarm those with their guards up. As we interview him, he pauses to wave at no less than eight people within a 40-minute period - all are friends he has made here and there around school, no doubt due to his charm and sensitivity.

However, Sharman expresses concerns that not every queer Singaporean has it as easy as him.

What about those who are more introverted, who find mingling around hard enough as it is? Or those who don’t feel safe working with people perceived as homophobic?

Learning to fit in

Being a queer dancer in RP is one thing, but how does the outside world perceive you?

Representing not only his culture but the LGBT society is what keeps Sharman going. Being a proud member of the community, he has received praise and applause in influencing outsiders who share the same hopes and dreams.

However, being a queer male Indian dancer is not always a common sight in this day and age for many.

“I have heard stories. It is hard to fit into a society where people are judging you, not comfortable with you.”

Remarks such as, “Oh, that's a bit girly” and, “Why are you doing this?” has been the new norm for Sharman. Being criticised and judged for doing what he loves comes as a non-shocker, having dance being an emasculating trait.

Based on an online survey conducted by Yahoo News Singapore, “four in five Singaporeans (80%) from the LGBTQ community face discrimination”. LGBTQ discrimination is visible in everyday situations, whether it be at home or at the workplace. It is an ongoing issue that is yet to fully resolve. (Yahoo News, 2019)

“I personally don't care”, Sharman reassures, “Just because you're a guy unable to do certain genres… It’s similar to saying, ‘girls can't do certain things because they are women.’”

The double standard here is clear. Sharman has learnt to move past the hate in the desire to inspire and normalize being different in the public’s eye. Sharman has used dance as a tool to captivate and leave a positive impression on his audience.

“There have been a lot of instances where people are happy to see me dance, not just because I'm a guy, but because the way I perform is very energetic and charismatic.”

Compliments from peers and supporters have pushed Sharman to continue dancing with passion while being his authentic self. A motivation that encourages him to block out the negativity and carry on.

The Journey Of Coming Out

The support he received ignited a newfound confidence. He came out as gay to his two younger sisters and was met with an unconditional love. However, growing up in a traditional household, receiving the same support from his parents was going to be a bit harder.

“My mom, she had a bit of a tough time, basically, to accept it. But at the end she did say, ‘you're my son, so whatever that matters to you matters to me.’ ”

“My dad asked why I did not like sports or like other types of CCAs, like uniform groups? Why dance?”

This ideology is common in Singapore. According to a 2013 study conducted by _ amongst queer Singaporean adults, “40.9% of 2,350 respondents analysed had low WHO-5 scores, indicating poor mental well-being” (Emerald Insight, 2023).

Factors of parental non-acceptance and conflict at home contributed to their waning mental health.

This is a harsh reality for a large portion of queer Singaporeans, something they apathetically live with now after its constant and prevailing fixture locally.

Sharman considers himself lucky. Pit against the harrowing experiences he has heard from his gay peers, he is thankful that he still has a roof over his head, family who are trying to understand, and safety that prevails at home and at school. He awaits the learning curve of those who are struggling to accept him now, but is grateful for the quality people around him.

His Passion On Stage

Performing the art of Indian Dance at Chingay was a proud step taken by Sharman, and he wasn't alone. Dancing alongside his mother and sisters for 4 years running, those were the moments to remember. It was a coming together of generations, ideologies, and at the crux of the union: unconditional love.

“My mom loves to see me dance. My sisters also, they're always my hype women.”

Sharman’s supporters are evident when he performs, but for his family, seeing his craft on stage took time to manifest. After years, his father attended one of his shows and was extremely moved by his son’s sheer talent. (PHOTO: Sharman Raj S/O Kumar)

Sharman recalls seeing his father in the audience “crying proudly” during one of his performances. Growing up with a strained and distant relationship with his father, Sharman found the moment to be bitter-sweet. While he wished it had happened sooner, he emphasises the notion of compromise. He thinks it’s important to meet everyone halfway, regardless of the initial resistance.

Watching his father grow to become a bigger and more accepting person gave Sharman some perspective. This was why Sharman lived out loud and refused to hide away. If he could promote tolerance in even one person, it would be worth it. Sharman shares a healthier relationship with his father now because of it.

Sharman has taken his passion for dancing to the next level outside of school as well, from joining Manimaran Creations to performing at WorldSkills ASEAN opening ceremony. Coming back as a RP alumni is however in the books for him, hoping to teach and carry on the representation of Indian culture far after he graduates.

Being the change

Sharman confesses it has been a “very fluctuating experience”, his experience growing up in a conservative country.

Being comfortable with his identity on school grounds, he cannot say the same when facing the outside world.

“The school environment is much safer, because you know the people here, and they know you, so you can experiment and do whatever you want to do. But when I go to the outside world, it was kind of different. Definitely, I do see more people like judging or staring.”

This does not stop Sharman from being comfortable with his way of life, knowing he is making a positive change. Remarks from peers and loved ones is what sustains him.

“Oh, I remember you in secondary school. You were so happy and confident and you actually inspired me to come out.”

Sharman’s pride is undeniable. It isn’t self-serving. He feels proud of his community, and is hopeful for future change. For a community that suffers from a lack of representation, Sharman understands that he acts as a trailblazer for many coming to terms with their own identity.

Sharman holds his head high, stating "I feel like it's a positive change that I'm bringing, within the people in my community. It does help to make the whole topic about LGBTQ a bit easier for others.”

Sharman has grown to not live in the shadows and to be open with his sexuality and being a representative of the Indian culture.

Having a community to fall back on has been his pillar of support helped him tremendously to find his footing. Now, at his core, Sharman wants to return the favour. Continuing dance in the long run, Sharman hopes to provide a helping hand and to motivate those in the dark to come out and be themselves.

Before concluding this story, Sharman leaves us with the following sentiment:

“Everyone's going to die no matter if you're homophobic or homosexual, so what's the point? Just do things you're happy with and just have fun doing the things you want to do.

We are queer. We are liberal. We are happy. ”

How simple.