Girl, they are just jealous.
By Zaina Hussain and Shi Zhi Peng, Renfred
Antasha Zahra Ulhaq, a 22 year old Singaporean transgender woman who went through a series of obstacles to reach where she is now, an influencer, model for pageant shows, a supervisor of Butter Studio and a part time corporate.
Growing up Antasha knew she was different among other boys during her school life when she realised her interests lay in feminine stuff such as dressing up in female clothes, having to like makeup, and also falling in love with singing and dancing.
“Growing up, Zaza enjoyed the performing arts, preferred to have more “feminine friends” and in general “loved to play with ‘girly stuff’”. Although she felt this was nothing out of the ordinary, her male peers in primary school thought otherwise, subjecting Zaza to bullying for her involvement in the performing arts” according to Zula.sg
“I thought that maybe I was a boy who liked feminine stuff,” Antasha recalled.
Before going through hormonal replacement therapy (HRT), Antasha was just a boy who was indulged in feminine acts, thinking that it's just a phase of her growth.
Image courtesy of Antasha Zahra
A light on her identity
Reality gradually hit her hard during her school days, after she found herself feeling oddly unhappy when she got into a relationship with her first girlfriend, back when she still identified herself as male.
As the year 2017 came around the corner, Antasha slowly gained knowledge which revolved around the LGBTQ+ community and also made her very first friend who identified as a transgender. Through her friend, Antasha embarked on her hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) to transition into a female when she was only 18 years old, battling with her doubts and her ability to commit to the treatment along with the backlash that the public threw at her. Antasha was adamant to move forward on that journey as she knew that’s what she wanted.
In the midst of gaining acceptance from society, Antasha grew with hate comments through her social media posts and real life hatred where holy books were thrown at her, and bullying seemed to be a norm to her at some point. Diagnosed with anxiety and depression, Antasha went through multiple visits to the Institute of Mental Health, and was confident enough to reject the pills which her doctor initially tried to prescribe her with to deal with depression.
“No, I don’t want it because I’ve heard stories that it’s bad for you,” she recalled telling her doctor.
What really was love in Antasha’s case
Relationships viewed as romantic were never nice to Antasha, as they were one heck of a ride when her previous partners did not reciprocate the love Antasha had for them. Some chose religion over her whereas some cheated on her. Even so, she managed to get back up on her feet even after getting knocked down again and again. Finally, in the year 2022, Michel Pua Jia Xing came into her life and was able to pick up the pieces of Antasha’s broken heart to make her whole again. They started off as mutuals who got to know each other through Instagram, and met for the first time at Antasha’s workplace in Bugis, where they waved to each other. They managed to connect on a much deeper level after making it past the talking stage early this year, and at long last went out on their first date on the 27th of April 2023.
Michel recounted, “I was definitely nervous at first when I first met her as it was our first date but I started to get comfortable and I found myself opening to her.”
As much as Michel was there for her, Antasha was always there for him as well. He learnt from Antasha on how to properly empathise, which helped him to connect with Antasha’s emotions, just like how she had done for him.
Michel says, “One important aspect of love I'd like to emphasise is its capacity to inspire empathy and kindness , having a sense of connection and understanding among your partner. In fact love is about being able to treat the person you love with compassion, respect and acceptance,”
After a myriad of failed relationships, Michel Pua Jia Xing came into
Antasha’s life and guided her out into the light.
Image courtesy of Antasha Zahra
Pillar of strength
Antasha over the past few years have always skipped family events due to the load of questions they would throw on her whenever they met during her transition journey. However, now, Antasha resumes family visiting as she knows that she is receiving full support from her grandparents and cousins who always shower words of encouragement on her whenever they meet. Antasha always knew for a fact that her strongest pillar of support throughout her journey, one that she can fall back on and rely on no matter the situation, is her mother. If one person was supportive of Antasha from the start of her journey, Antasha said it was her mother who she lives with now.
Fortunately, Zaza’s mother, someone who has acquainted herself with people in the LGBTQ+ community, is very accepting, and has affirmed Zaza that “[she’ll] be [her] child no matter what”. - Zula.sg spoke of her mother’s support.
Antasha quoted, “I remember her telling me that no matter what, at the end of the day, I will always be her child.”
Antasha Zahra embraced by her mother who has
always been her top supporter through her ups and downs, showing that their relationship can never be broken
no matter what comes
Image courtesy of Antasha Zahra
Despite all the hate received, Antasha never felt a single regret for the choice of her journey as she believed that it was all a journey that made her what she is now, a strong and confident woman.
“It’s a process of, you know, from being helpless to being someone strong like a survivor,” Antasha stated.
On the way to fulfil her childhood dreams
To fulfil her childhood dreams, Antasha joined pageant shows such as Miss Equality World Singapore and Miss World Dannok where she turned the hatred she received throughout her life into love for her other audience out there while representing Singapore.
Antasha recalls, “It was a nerve wracking experience as people joining such pageant shows being me , a transgender with a short height and tattoos raised loads of questions in people’s minds”
But despite her following, Antasha confessed that she has still faced immense pressure to live up to the beauty standards of the trans community.- according to ricemedia.co.
However deep down Antasha believed that no matter what anyone has to say, beauty comes in within and won an award in the best evening gown for Miss World Dannok, holding Singapore’s flag high and claiming the first runner up for Miss Equally World 2021 breaking all the beauty societal standards.
Antasha says, “A beauty queen doesn't always mean being tall, beautiful and poise looking but beauty of the attitude we hold.”
A happy ending
Antasha bloomed through the obstacles and is grateful for her supportive mother and her loving partner who were there with her throughout her darkest times of her journey.
Antasha Zahra blooms from the inside with confidence knowing that her love
will always be there as he was throughout her journey.
Image courtesy of Antasha Zahra
“A building won’t stand without a foundation and they were the foundation.” Antasha says.
Even now, Anatsha still receives hate be it on her online social media platforms or just in real life however with the mindset that we are all human beings inside and that respect is important, Antasha pushes herself further to inspire people out there. She takes all kinds of hate comments online with a grain of salt. She always wonders why they hate her choice of being a woman.
“At the end of the day what if it happens to your own loved ones?Have they ever thought about that? I've been taught since young that respect begets respect and that we should respect one another” Antasha reflects.
Not to forget that instead of holding grudges behind and looking down at her haters, Antasha also thanks her haters as well at this right moment for the hate she received as she knows that even they play a small part of her becoming who she is now. A confident and a keep going person.
“Those people who have brought me down back then, I also want to thank them because without them , I wouldn't be strong. Without them pulling me down, without them breaking me apart…I cried, but after I cried, I gained all the courage and all the strength to rise back up again and be better than before, so thank you to them as well” says Antasha.
Antasha Zahra looking at hate comments she still receives but this time with her head held high
as she knows these do not pull her down but raises her up instead, making her stronger than before.
(PHOTO; Zaina Hussain and Shi Zhi Peng, Renfred)
Antasha now blooms through her life confidently via her social media accounts where she shares her journey and shines more light on her identity as she knows that life is all about learning and being the best version of oneself.
“Life is a journey and not a competition. A quote that I looked up to since secondary school is Mahatma Gandhi’s quote which goes “Be the change you wish to see in the world”
Antasha radiating her confidence with her head held high
with all the experiences she gained herself from that made her
into what she is now, a strong, bold and a confident transgender who is happy with her decision.
Image courtesy of Antasha Zahra
With that powerful quote on her mind, Antasha moves on with her path to inspire the younger audiences out there and everyone to show them that indeed, we are all human beings and life is simply a beautiful journey to learn and succeed and that whatever happens in life, learn from it as an experience and just grow being the beautiful you.
hiya Zaina and Renfred! this story happened to be one of the feature stories that I was absolutely engrossed in reading from start to finish, and I was especially impressed by how you guys organised the story for all of us to enjoy without too much confusion! that said, I've got some compliments and feedback to give..:
(+) story started off strong by immediately introducing Antasha, who she is and what her origins and "plot progression" are. straightforward with no dilly-dallying!
(+) lovee how you covered her story pretty cleanly, and exactly as mentioned during your presentation earlier today!
(-) the sudden insert of an excerpt of Zula's profile feature on Antasha in the early paragraphs threw me off a…
Hey Zaina and Renfred! Firstly I want to say that this was an enjoyable read and I do understand your angle as well as impact which aims to invoke emotive response from the readers. I this you structured the article well and there is a nice flow to it. however, I would like to point out (said in class too) the fact that you used Zula's article/interview they did on Zaza felt a bit off. mainly because they are a competing news outlet at the end of the day and they too covered her before, so by bringing them in out-rightly into your article, it calls for comparisons immediately which can't be helped. I feel that instead of using Zula's…
Hi there Zaina and Renfred, I think that your newsmaker is very interesting as I've seen her quite a lot online, especially early on during her transition journey. But lately she hasn't been popping up on my 'for you page' on TikTok and I've always wondered how she's doing. I've never knew her personally so this is was a great read for me to gain more insight as to who she is as a person and I definitely enjoyed the feature. Good job guys on the interesting piece! -Adriena
Hi Zaina and Renfred! I have seen Antasha a lot online and I actually has been following her for the longest time. But, right now, she seems to be offline quite often which really makes me missed her. I am glad you shed a light to her as I know she faces a lot of struggles like cyberbullying on TikTok. It's nice to see a story being covered about her. Perhaps, next time, think of how this story can be different than other 'Mothership' posts or online posts about the queer community. Think about a point that makes her stands out from the rest more. Other than that, great effort! Thank you team!